One thing that I really enjoy about your writing, is your great ability of description. I think you do a very good job of describing the foods and the mentality of Kumbhakarna. Another thing that I enjoyed about your project was the image for this story. I felt that it did a great job of letting me as a reader imagine what he looked like as well as fit in nicely at the end. One thing I was wondering was if you would possibly consider adding all the ways and reasons behind the changes you made from the original story to make sure the reader knows exactly why you did what you did as the author. I also think that you are great with describing the emotions of the characters as they go along using words like "pouted" really make the idea of the mood clear. Overall, I think you have a great story and enjoyed reading your version.
Nikole, first and foremost, I am really excited to see your portfolio unfold! I chose to do a portfolio as well because I was pleased with my writing thus far, and I think there is a lot of room to enhance my current stories. After reading yours, I can see that you are a skilled writer, and these stories are great and will be enhanced even more through this! Your descriptive language is some of the best I have seen in the class so far. It really helped me to imagine the story and watch it unfold. Writing this story from another person's point of view is incredibly creative. Have you ever thought about maybe telling it from the original point of view but maybe explaining that the original writer "got it all wrong"? You could re-tell the "correct" story. I think this is an idea that you could write really well! Overall, great job!
Hi Nikole! I like the pictures you chose for your banners but maybe you could add pictures that relate to your stories so that the reader immediately gets into the setting of your story before they read it. Also, you could add a description of your story on the home page so that readers will know what they are about to read. You could even have a little cliff hanger in the description of the story on your home page so that people will have to read on if they want to know what will happen. I really enjoyed your story! I like that you wrote it from the perspective of Kumbhakarna instead of telling the story from a third person point of view. I have never considered the story from his point of view and it is nice to get another look at the story from someone else’s thoughts.
Hi Nikole! I really like the simplicity of your website. It really allows your creativity to shine when writing. I thought it was different how yo created a story in the villain's perspective, which I really liked. One thing is what is you add what Kumbhakarna looks like somewhere in the story? This would just add a little more visual detail for the reader. Maybe you could add this when he is going to battle? Make it seem like he is comparing himself to the competition. Also, what is you added how he felt about the battle? This would just make the story more personal to Kumbhakarna. What if you added his feelings toward his brother for waking him only because they needed help? Also, I think you are missing a word in this sentence, "It was (when?) I was enjoying my meal that I felt a sharp and piercing pain at the back of my neck." Overall this was a great story. I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job!
Hi Nikole. I really liked your story and how you told it from the perspective of the bad guy. It was a very creative take on the battle and I liked how you described his hunger and him eating everyone. The ending was also humorous in how such a powerful force on the battlefield just dies at Rama's bow and the story ends. One improvement that I have is that the language seemed a bit weird at times. The second half of the first paragraph read a little weird to me and might be something to look at rewording. The first sentence in the last paragraph also read a little weird to me. Other than a few weird sentences the writing style and sentence structure was good. You also did a good job with using descriptive language. Overall I thought it Was a really good story and am looking forward to reading the rest of your writings.
Nikole, I really enjoyed your story of Kumbakarna, Ravana's brother. I did not realize the tale was about Kumbakarna and his thoughts until the story explained that he was being awakened by Ravana to help him defeat Rama. This part helped me realize who the main character was. I wonder if you could give more of a description of Kumbakarna You could try explaining how big and terrorizing Kumbakarna is compared to the humans he eats and the monkey army be plans of devouring. If you needed to add some more to your story, you could add what Kumbakarna had done on his previous "one day of freedom," like searching for a favorite meal. Other than that, I noticed a small error in the seventh paragraph down from the start. The beginning wording of the first sentence does not make sense, and I think you just need to delete the first two words. Great job, I can't wait to come back and read more!
Hey Nikole, Thank you for the enjoyable read! The way you created a first person narrative from the perspective of a supporting character in the Ramayana was amazing. It was incredibly interesting how you made Kumbhakarna the protagonist. At the end when you talked about Rama smiling at his death, I pictured an evil smile as opposed to a smile of relief. After this it made me wonder if Rama was really not the bad guy in this story. Although Ravana took Sita against her will, Rama killed most all of the Rakshasas in this war. If not Rama than Sita because the entire murderous war could have been avoided if she had simply went back home with Hanuman. It would be interesting if you made Rama even more of a villain, maybe add some adjectives when mentioning him that subtly hint at this. Thank you for the good read Nikole!
I really like the story of Kumbhakarna and the most thing I like about the story is that it was from his point of view. Ravana wake him up to help him destroy the Rama's army, where they are losing and they are desperate for him to help him. Never thought that there would be a story that will be in his perspective and how he looks at the thing. I also like the battlefield part where you mention that monkey looks delicious and it is good for mid-afternoon snack. What if that you had change the character of Kumbhakarna like he does not like battle and the only thing he will do anything is food. It will give the story new twist and that will be something different. But I really appreciate that I get to read the story from Kumbhakarna perspective, that I never read before. I will be really looking forward to read your story in future.
Hi Nikole great job on your story! I liked how you told the story from Kumbhakrana's prospective and put the reader in his shoes for the duration of the story. Your use of descriptive words and details when he was talking about all of the food that he enjoys made it feel visceral and not like I was just reading a story. You also described his emotions very well, and it was almost like I was feeling what he was feeling as well. However, I think it would be interesting to read more about the battle from his prospective. I liked how you mentioned the 'delicious monkeys', but it would be entertaining to read about how he felt during the battle. Feelings such as whether or not he liked to kill or just eat. Something along those lines would be fun to read in the future. Great job on your story I look forward to reading more!
Great job Nikole! I love it when familiar stories are told from a new perspective. You really set up a great backstory for the Kumbhakarna, and even give Ravana a little more depth by showing it was out of desperation that he freed his brother. I think it would be cool to elaborate on more of the Kumbhakarna's exploits that caused Brahma to punish him. I think it would also be interesting to find out how the story was written from Kumbhakarna's perspective even though he dies. Also, you had one small type-o in the last paragraph, but that's easy to fix! The last paragraph starts with "It was I was" when I think you only meant to put "I was." Easy to fix! I also thought it was interesting that in this story, Hanuman is eaten. That would be a huge blow to Rama, and an interesting avenue to explore. Overall, great job on a really fun story.
Hello Nikole, This is one of my favorite stories that I have read in this class. It is such a cool story that is easily re-written. I love how you re-wrote the story in a different light. I think you have a fun perspective of the story and I really did enjoy reading it. What if the sleeping monster didn't die and he killed Rama. I always wonder how the opposite of stories would have turned out. I wonder what the town would have done if he never woke up from all the loud noises? I think you did a great job and I thought it was a fun story to read. I can't wait to read more from you in the future.I am also doing a portfolio and it seems like such a new experience, I hope you are loving it as much as I do. Good job!
Nikole, This is a cool story, I enjoyed reading it. Seeing as you already have a number of comments on the content of the story, I will focus more on the website layout for this comment. I think if you were to manipulate the placement of your image to feel more like it was a part of the story that would improve the flow of your web-page. I personally like the Idea of adding an image of a setting or character to the heading to make it feel like you are there with the characters. Another thing I would look into editing would be the tabs at the top of the page. Currently yours story is just labeled as Story #1, which is fine, but I think adding a more eye grabbing title for your story would entice more people to read. I look forward to reading your work in the future, and seeing what edits you wind up making to them.
Hey Nikole. I like the layout of your website, it is simple and clean. Having a link to your comment wall on your website is useful. I would recommend you do this as it is a simple change. Your first story is well written. You are extremely descriptive in your writing. The opening really grabs the reader’s attention when Kumbhakarna is dreaming of his meals. The picture you have chosen is great, it helps the reader imagine Kumbhakarna. Since Kumbhakarna was introduced at the beginning of the story, the picture probably would have been better placed at the top of the story. I also enjoyed how you did not change the story and kept true to the original. It was nice reading it from Kumbhakarna perspective. I would have made Kumbhakarna a little more aggressive towards Ravana after he was awakened. Overall it is a fine story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Nikole. I really like your website! I'm a big fan of Kumbhakarna, so you kind of won me over by default. The images you selected do a good job of showing just how large Kumbhakarna is. I really liked your story; you did a good job of portraying Kumbhakarna's point of view. I like that you made him fairly whimsicle about everything, even up to watching his own death! I always imagined him as a big fumbling giant, so I liked that portrayal. I thought your word choices for his food were very creative, starting with alliteration and following up later with rhyming. I think it would be cool if you tried to stretch that theme a little more; although Kumbhakarna is probably unable to rhyme himself, it added some nice flavor to your writing. Your dialogue was good as well, and I think it could improve your stories if you add a little more in the future. Can't wait to read more!
Hi Nikole! Telling Kumbhakarna's story from his own point of view was really neat, especially the part where he dreams of the things Ravana tried to wake him with. The story does an excellent job at capturing Kumbhakarna's ravenous appetite, with no distinction in regards to taste. The part where he's decapitated is a real shock too. It was pretty gruesome that he was able to see his own body as his head was decapitated. Your author's note is great as providing details to the background of the story too. The only thing I'd really add is some more action with Kumbakharna rampaging around. Overall I really enjoyed this story as it had enough imagery to paint a vivid picture of the environment and actions, but not so densely packed that it felt like a chore to try to take in.
Hi again! I read your second story this time, and it did not disappoint. I really liked how you used an escape room theme with this story. It worked really well. One thing I would recommend is rephrasing this sentence, "arrived just in time for their scheduled time." Maybe instead you could say, they arrived just in time for the game to begin or something like that to just break up using time twice. Another thing is to expand on your story, maybe you could describe some of the challenges. This would ultimately add length is you are looking to expand on your story, but it could also give us some more information about Gabby. I feel like we did not really get any information on Gabby, especially for her to be the one to trick the other group and relating her to the original story. Overall, this story was a very creative retelling and I really appreciate that. Once again, fantastic job and I cannot wait to read more.
The story of Kumbhakarna is awesome and I love how it is from his point of view! That is so different and cool! The multiple perspecives is really great and I think it adds a whole level of depth to your story. One thing that I really appreciate is that it is all about the other characters and the description of the battle field is very neat as well. Thanks for sharing your awesome story and I look forward to reading some more!
I am from the Myth-Folklore class this semester and got to read your story this week at random. I really liked the concept for your second story! I love Escape Rooms because they are so challenging, and it’s cool that you were able to relate it to your story because the family had to escape as well. I think the story might be more engaging if more of the time was spent explaining what actually happened inside of the escape room. The background story was nice for setting things up, but perhaps explaining things from the perspective of inside of the room would enhance it. Was the second group in The Escape Rooms supposed to represent the guardhouse that was also burned? That would be a cool parallel to have. Like I said, the concept for this is fantastically creative and I would love to see more of it! Great job.
Hi Nikole! The first thing I noticed when I got to your portfolio page was how you don't have titles for your stories in the heading bar of your portfolio website. I think it would be beneficial to put the titles instead of story 1 and story 2 so people can find each story easily. I really enjoy the way your write. You use incredible descriptive words and everything just flows together really well. In story 1 I thought it was a great and interesting idea to read from the point of view of Kumbhakarna, Ravana's brother. My favorite part of the story was actually how you used such descriptive words to describe his appetite. It felt like I was reading a story from a professional who spends their time writing books. Something that I like about the way you have formatted your story is how you include your comment link on the page of your story as well as on the homepage. I think that is super helpful and something that I might think about adding to my own portfolio. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio and I look forward to seeing where you take it. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
Hey Nikole! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections. However, I would recommend changing your tabs at the top of your website to the actually name of your story’s or a shortened version of the name of your stories. Overall, I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading both of your stories! I feel like for the story, “The Escape Room,” had a really cool concept. I would recommend on expanding on the story. Perhaps you could give more detail and explanation in the part of the story when your characters are actually in the escape room. I feel like this will make your story just that much better and would really engage the attention of your reader. Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
I really enjoyed reading your portfolio stories, especially "The Escape Room." The way you retold an essential part of the Pandavas story is creative. I also admire the way you made the story modern and relatable for the audience with the escape room idea. In terms of feedforward, I think it may help if you proofread another time and maybe rethink the structure of your paragraphs. Possibly shortening each paragraph to allow for more moments for the audience to collect thoughts and pause. Or not necessarily shortening each paragraph, but paying close attention to the consistency of the paragraphs may help with the overall flow of your story. Overall though, fantastic job! I hope to come back and read more of your stories!
Hi, Nikole! This is my first time visiting your page so I am enjoying reading your work! In your first story, I have to commend your use of language. I really appreciate your word choice as it is engaging and diverse. Toward the middle of your story, you chose to use some dialogue. I think your story could use even more of this as it breaks up the internal thoughts nicely. Lastly, I like the way you ended your story, the last sentence ties it up well. Moving on to story 2, I like the contrast in setting compared to your first story. Ancient vs modern keeps us on our toes! One thing you could do is change your titles from “Story #1, 2” etc into story names so we can have a review of what we will be reading. In story 3, I love your dialogue. Since some of these stories lack dialogue and character background, it is always refreshing to be able to relate a little more to the story. Great work!
Hey Nikole! This is my first time viewing your project and I am a little bit sad I didn’t see it earlier! It is incredibly well written, and I like your unique takes on all of the stories. I liked that you wrote from Kumbhakarna’s perspective. We don’t get to see enough of the demons’ perspective in the Ramayana, and it is always interesting to see people’s takes on them. I liked that you took a very modern approach to your second story. I only saw one other person doing that in this class, and I think it is something that could have been explored more. I though you did the modern approach very well. It is hard to make it not cheesy, but you did a pretty good job! Your third story is over my favorite of the Jatakas. I think your version is a better read. Well done!
Hey Nikola, I really liked your stories! First of all I like the image choices for your stories! I think they match really well with your themes. One thing you might change, however, is the third picture. it's a little blurry and doesn't match the quality of the other pictures in your story. I loved your first story because I think it really showed what Kumbhakarna would have been thinking about as he slumbered. The descriptions you used for his meals were pretty harrowing and I think made him a character that could be deeply feared. I love that you used the escape room in the second story! I think this was a a very creative retelling of that story. I've always wanted to try this and so that definitely kept me interested through the re-telling. I think you did a great job on the project overall. Hope you have a good summer and good luck on your finals!
Hello Nikole. I commented on your project early on in its development. I am really pleased to see how it has progressed and what the final project looks like. My one complaint was that the language seemed weird in a few spots. I thought your newer stories seemed to fix this and were great. My only complaint this time, is with story 3. I thought that it was to close to the original.Having the crocodile sacrifice his heart was not enough of a change. I think you could have changed it a lot more or added a more impact twist to the end. I really liked the picture you used, and it fit perfectly with the story. The escape room story was really creative and original. It was probably my favorite of the three stories you wrote. Overall great project, and i am really happy to see the rest of it.
Hey Nikole! It is great to read your portfolio before the end of the semester. Yours is one of the very last readings that I will get to review before the end of the class. I remember that I clicked on your stories at the beginning of the semester, but I never got to comment on your project. It is really cool to see how much you have been able to develop your website since March. In a short amount of time, you were able to create new characters and explore new worlds. How did you find all of these creative writing assignments? Do you feel that you were able to retain more of the information from the epics? I thought that all of your stories were really feel wrote and they seem corrected and reviewed already. I have no complaints there. Also, the set up of your website was very easy to navigate.
One thing that I really enjoy about your writing, is your great ability of description. I think you do a very good job of describing the foods and the mentality of Kumbhakarna. Another thing that I enjoyed about your project was the image for this story. I felt that it did a great job of letting me as a reader imagine what he looked like as well as fit in nicely at the end. One thing I was wondering was if you would possibly consider adding all the ways and reasons behind the changes you made from the original story to make sure the reader knows exactly why you did what you did as the author. I also think that you are great with describing the emotions of the characters as they go along using words like "pouted" really make the idea of the mood clear. Overall, I think you have a great story and enjoyed reading your version.
ReplyDeleteNikole, first and foremost, I am really excited to see your portfolio unfold! I chose to do a portfolio as well because I was pleased with my writing thus far, and I think there is a lot of room to enhance my current stories. After reading yours, I can see that you are a skilled writer, and these stories are great and will be enhanced even more through this! Your descriptive language is some of the best I have seen in the class so far. It really helped me to imagine the story and watch it unfold. Writing this story from another person's point of view is incredibly creative. Have you ever thought about maybe telling it from the original point of view but maybe explaining that the original writer "got it all wrong"? You could re-tell the "correct" story. I think this is an idea that you could write really well! Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Nikole! I like the pictures you chose for your banners but maybe you could add pictures that relate to your stories so that the reader immediately gets into the setting of your story before they read it. Also, you could add a description of your story on the home page so that readers will know what they are about to read. You could even have a little cliff hanger in the description of the story on your home page so that people will have to read on if they want to know what will happen. I really enjoyed your story! I like that you wrote it from the perspective of Kumbhakarna instead of telling the story from a third person point of view. I have never considered the story from his point of view and it is nice to get another look at the story from someone else’s thoughts.
ReplyDeleteHi Nikole! I really like the simplicity of your website. It really allows your creativity to shine when writing. I thought it was different how yo created a story in the villain's perspective, which I really liked. One thing is what is you add what Kumbhakarna looks like somewhere in the story? This would just add a little more visual detail for the reader. Maybe you could add this when he is going to battle? Make it seem like he is comparing himself to the competition. Also, what is you added how he felt about the battle? This would just make the story more personal to Kumbhakarna. What if you added his feelings toward his brother for waking him only because they needed help? Also, I think you are missing a word in this sentence, "It was (when?) I was enjoying my meal that I felt a sharp and piercing pain at the back of my neck." Overall this was a great story. I look forward to reading more of your work. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Nikole. I really liked your story and how you told it from the perspective of the bad guy. It was a very creative take on the battle and I liked how you described his hunger and him eating everyone. The ending was also humorous in how such a powerful force on the battlefield just dies at Rama's bow and the story ends. One improvement that I have is that the language seemed a bit weird at times. The second half of the first paragraph read a little weird to me and might be something to look at rewording. The first sentence in the last paragraph also read a little weird to me. Other than a few weird sentences the writing style and sentence structure was good. You also did a good job with using descriptive language. Overall I thought it Was a really good story and am looking forward to reading the rest of your writings.
ReplyDeleteNikole, I really enjoyed your story of Kumbakarna, Ravana's brother. I did not realize the tale was about Kumbakarna and his thoughts until the story explained that he was being awakened by Ravana to help him defeat Rama. This part helped me realize who the main character was. I wonder if you could give more of a description of Kumbakarna You could try explaining how big and terrorizing Kumbakarna is compared to the humans he eats and the monkey army be plans of devouring. If you needed to add some more to your story, you could add what Kumbakarna had done on his previous "one day of freedom," like searching for a favorite meal. Other than that, I noticed a small error in the seventh paragraph down from the start. The beginning wording of the first sentence does not make sense, and I think you just need to delete the first two words. Great job, I can't wait to come back and read more!
ReplyDeleteHey Nikole,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the enjoyable read! The way you created a first person narrative from the perspective of a supporting character in the Ramayana was amazing. It was incredibly interesting how you made Kumbhakarna the protagonist. At the end when you talked about Rama smiling at his death, I pictured an evil smile as opposed to a smile of relief. After this it made me wonder if Rama was really not the bad guy in this story. Although Ravana took Sita against her will, Rama killed most all of the Rakshasas in this war. If not Rama than Sita because the entire murderous war could have been avoided if she had simply went back home with Hanuman. It would be interesting if you made Rama even more of a villain, maybe add some adjectives when mentioning him that subtly hint at this.
Thank you for the good read Nikole!
Hello Nikole,
ReplyDeleteI really like the story of Kumbhakarna and the most thing I like about the story is that it was from his point of view. Ravana wake him up to help him destroy the Rama's army, where they are losing and they are desperate for him to help him. Never thought that there would be a story that will be in his perspective and how he looks at the thing. I also like the battlefield part where you mention that monkey looks delicious and it is good for mid-afternoon snack. What if that you had change the character of Kumbhakarna like he does not like battle and the only thing he will do anything is food. It will give the story new twist and that will be something different. But I really appreciate that I get to read the story from Kumbhakarna perspective, that I never read before. I will be really looking forward to read your story in future.
Hi Nikole great job on your story! I liked how you told the story from Kumbhakrana's prospective and put the reader in his shoes for the duration of the story. Your use of descriptive words and details when he was talking about all of the food that he enjoys made it feel visceral and not like I was just reading a story. You also described his emotions very well, and it was almost like I was feeling what he was feeling as well. However, I think it would be interesting to read more about the battle from his prospective. I liked how you mentioned the 'delicious monkeys', but it would be entertaining to read about how he felt during the battle. Feelings such as whether or not he liked to kill or just eat. Something along those lines would be fun to read in the future. Great job on your story I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Nikole! I love it when familiar stories are told from a new perspective. You really set up a great backstory for the Kumbhakarna, and even give Ravana a little more depth by showing it was out of desperation that he freed his brother. I think it would be cool to elaborate on more of the Kumbhakarna's exploits that caused Brahma to punish him. I think it would also be interesting to find out how the story was written from Kumbhakarna's perspective even though he dies. Also, you had one small type-o in the last paragraph, but that's easy to fix! The last paragraph starts with "It was I was" when I think you only meant to put "I was." Easy to fix! I also thought it was interesting that in this story, Hanuman is eaten. That would be a huge blow to Rama, and an interesting avenue to explore. Overall, great job on a really fun story.
ReplyDeleteHello Nikole,
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite stories that I have read in this class. It is such a cool story that is easily re-written. I love how you re-wrote the story in a different light. I think you have a fun perspective of the story and I really did enjoy reading it. What if the sleeping monster didn't die and he killed Rama. I always wonder how the opposite of stories would have turned out. I wonder what the town would have done if he never woke up from all the loud noises? I think you did a great job and I thought it was a fun story to read. I can't wait to read more from you in the future.I am also doing a portfolio and it seems like such a new experience, I hope you are loving it as much as I do. Good job!
Nikole,
ReplyDeleteThis is a cool story, I enjoyed reading it. Seeing as you already have a number of comments on the content of the story, I will focus more on the website layout for this comment. I think if you were to manipulate the placement of your image to feel more like it was a part of the story that would improve the flow of your web-page. I personally like the Idea of adding an image of a setting or character to the heading to make it feel like you are there with the characters. Another thing I would look into editing would be the tabs at the top of the page. Currently yours story is just labeled as Story #1, which is fine, but I think adding a more eye grabbing title for your story would entice more people to read. I look forward to reading your work in the future, and seeing what edits you wind up making to them.
Hey Nikole. I like the layout of your website, it is simple and clean. Having a link to your comment wall on your website is useful. I would recommend you do this as it is a simple change. Your first story is well written. You are extremely descriptive in your writing. The opening really grabs the reader’s attention when Kumbhakarna is dreaming of his meals. The picture you have chosen is great, it helps the reader imagine Kumbhakarna. Since Kumbhakarna was introduced at the beginning of the story, the picture probably would have been better placed at the top of the story. I also enjoyed how you did not change the story and kept true to the original. It was nice reading it from Kumbhakarna perspective. I would have made Kumbhakarna a little more aggressive towards Ravana after he was awakened. Overall it is a fine story and I look forward to reading more of your work.
ReplyDeleteHi Nikole. I really like your website! I'm a big fan of Kumbhakarna, so you kind of won me over by default. The images you selected do a good job of showing just how large Kumbhakarna is. I really liked your story; you did a good job of portraying Kumbhakarna's point of view. I like that you made him fairly whimsicle about everything, even up to watching his own death! I always imagined him as a big fumbling giant, so I liked that portrayal. I thought your word choices for his food were very creative, starting with alliteration and following up later with rhyming. I think it would be cool if you tried to stretch that theme a little more; although Kumbhakarna is probably unable to rhyme himself, it added some nice flavor to your writing. Your dialogue was good as well, and I think it could improve your stories if you add a little more in the future. Can't wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteHi Nikole! Telling Kumbhakarna's story from his own point of view was really neat, especially the part where he dreams of the things Ravana tried to wake him with. The story does an excellent job at capturing Kumbhakarna's ravenous appetite, with no distinction in regards to taste. The part where he's decapitated is a real shock too. It was pretty gruesome that he was able to see his own body as his head was decapitated. Your author's note is great as providing details to the background of the story too. The only thing I'd really add is some more action with Kumbakharna rampaging around. Overall I really enjoyed this story as it had enough imagery to paint a vivid picture of the environment and actions, but not so densely packed that it felt like a chore to try to take in.
ReplyDeleteHi again! I read your second story this time, and it did not disappoint. I really liked how you used an escape room theme with this story. It worked really well. One thing I would recommend is rephrasing this sentence, "arrived just in time for their scheduled time." Maybe instead you could say, they arrived just in time for the game to begin or something like that to just break up using time twice. Another thing is to expand on your story, maybe you could describe some of the challenges. This would ultimately add length is you are looking to expand on your story, but it could also give us some more information about Gabby. I feel like we did not really get any information on Gabby, especially for her to be the one to trick the other group and relating her to the original story. Overall, this story was a very creative retelling and I really appreciate that. Once again, fantastic job and I cannot wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHey Nikole!
ReplyDeleteThe story of Kumbhakarna is awesome and I love how it is from his point of view! That is so different and cool! The multiple perspecives is really great and I think it adds a whole level of depth to your story. One thing that I really appreciate is that it is all about the other characters and the description of the battle field is very neat as well. Thanks for sharing your awesome story and I look forward to reading some more!
Hi Nikole,
ReplyDeleteI am from the Myth-Folklore class this semester and got to read your story this week at random. I really liked the concept for your second story! I love Escape Rooms because they are so challenging, and it’s cool that you were able to relate it to your story because the family had to escape as well. I think the story might be more engaging if more of the time was spent explaining what actually happened inside of the escape room. The background story was nice for setting things up, but perhaps explaining things from the perspective of inside of the room would enhance it. Was the second group in The Escape Rooms supposed to represent the guardhouse that was also burned? That would be a cool parallel to have. Like I said, the concept for this is fantastically creative and I would love to see more of it! Great job.
Hi Nikole! The first thing I noticed when I got to your portfolio page was how you don't have titles for your stories in the heading bar of your portfolio website. I think it would be beneficial to put the titles instead of story 1 and story 2 so people can find each story easily. I really enjoy the way your write. You use incredible descriptive words and everything just flows together really well. In story 1 I thought it was a great and interesting idea to read from the point of view of Kumbhakarna, Ravana's brother. My favorite part of the story was actually how you used such descriptive words to describe his appetite. It felt like I was reading a story from a professional who spends their time writing books. Something that I like about the way you have formatted your story is how you include your comment link on the page of your story as well as on the homepage. I think that is super helpful and something that I might think about adding to my own portfolio. Overall, I really enjoyed your portfolio and I look forward to seeing where you take it. Good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Nikole! I really like the design and layout of your website. I can clearly get a feel for the theme of your portfolio just by looking at your image selections. However, I would recommend changing your tabs at the top of your website to the actually name of your story’s or a shortened version of the name of your stories. Overall, I feel like you have done a good job at being cohesive with your stories so that as a whole your portfolio’s theme is clear. I really enjoyed reading both of your stories! I feel like for the story, “The Escape Room,” had a really cool concept. I would recommend on expanding on the story. Perhaps you could give more detail and explanation in the part of the story when your characters are actually in the escape room. I feel like this will make your story just that much better and would really engage the attention of your reader. Overall, I think you have done a great job so far on your portfolio and I can’t wait to see what type of story you add next!
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DeleteHello Nikole!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your portfolio stories, especially "The Escape Room." The way you retold an essential part of the Pandavas story is creative. I also admire the way you made the story modern and relatable for the audience with the escape room idea. In terms of feedforward, I think it may help if you proofread another time and maybe rethink the structure of your paragraphs. Possibly shortening each paragraph to allow for more moments for the audience to collect thoughts and pause. Or not necessarily shortening each paragraph, but paying close attention to the consistency of the paragraphs may help with the overall flow of your story. Overall though, fantastic job! I hope to come back and read more of your stories!
Hi, Nikole! This is my first time visiting your page so I am enjoying reading your work! In your first story, I have to commend your use of language. I really appreciate your word choice as it is engaging and diverse. Toward the middle of your story, you chose to use some dialogue. I think your story could use even more of this as it breaks up the internal thoughts nicely. Lastly, I like the way you ended your story, the last sentence ties it up well. Moving on to story 2, I like the contrast in setting compared to your first story. Ancient vs modern keeps us on our toes! One thing you could do is change your titles from “Story #1, 2” etc into story names so we can have a review of what we will be reading. In story 3, I love your dialogue. Since some of these stories lack dialogue and character background, it is always refreshing to be able to relate a little more to the story. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Nikole! This is my first time viewing your project and I am a little bit sad I didn’t see it earlier! It is incredibly well written, and I like your unique takes on all of the stories. I liked that you wrote from Kumbhakarna’s perspective. We don’t get to see enough of the demons’ perspective in the Ramayana, and it is always interesting to see people’s takes on them. I liked that you took a very modern approach to your second story. I only saw one other person doing that in this class, and I think it is something that could have been explored more. I though you did the modern approach very well. It is hard to make it not cheesy, but you did a pretty good job! Your third story is over my favorite of the Jatakas. I think your version is a better read. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHey Nikola, I really liked your stories! First of all I like the image choices for your stories! I think they match really well with your themes. One thing you might change, however, is the third picture. it's a little blurry and doesn't match the quality of the other pictures in your story. I loved your first story because I think it really showed what Kumbhakarna would have been thinking about as he slumbered. The descriptions you used for his meals were pretty harrowing and I think made him a character that could be deeply feared. I love that you used the escape room in the second story! I think this was a a very creative retelling of that story. I've always wanted to try this and so that definitely kept me interested through the re-telling. I think you did a great job on the project overall. Hope you have a good summer and good luck on your finals!
ReplyDeleteHello Nikole. I commented on your project early on in its development. I am really pleased to see how it has progressed and what the final project looks like. My one complaint was that the language seemed weird in a few spots. I thought your newer stories seemed to fix this and were great. My only complaint this time, is with story 3. I thought that it was to close to the original.Having the crocodile sacrifice his heart was not enough of a change. I think you could have changed it a lot more or added a more impact twist to the end. I really liked the picture you used, and it fit perfectly with the story. The escape room story was really creative and original. It was probably my favorite of the three stories you wrote. Overall great project, and i am really happy to see the rest of it.
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ReplyDeleteHey Nikole! It is great to read your portfolio before the end of the semester. Yours is one of the very last readings that I will get to review before the end of the class. I remember that I clicked on your stories at the beginning of the semester, but I never got to comment on your project. It is really cool to see how much you have been able to develop your website since March. In a short amount of time, you were able to create new characters and explore new worlds. How did you find all of these creative writing assignments? Do you feel that you were able to retain more of the information from the epics? I thought that all of your stories were really feel wrote and they seem corrected and reviewed already. I have no complaints there. Also, the set up of your website was very easy to navigate.